You have been in Japan too long...

when you are tongue-tied to find your words in your mother tongue. when you consider any city apart from Tokyo as "countryside" . when tempura is really a dish for "gaijin" (and you don't consider yourself as such anymore) when you finally start enjoying some Japanese TV programs. when you plan you next holiday back home as a savanah expedition.

when you want to travel, but have no time because of your work and are reluctant because foreign countries are so dangerous. when you sell your futon for a bed, because it's cool (even though you've slept all of your pre-Japan existence in one, but you can't remember) when you know exatcly the percentage of opening of cherry blossoms near your house, and watch attentively their development day after day, then talk about it with anyone you meet.

when you think it is reasonable to pay 3000yen for a taxi rather than walk 30min to go back home after the last train. when you wonder what omiyage you'l bring back to your colleagues and friends before leaving for you holiday/vacation. when you refer to your nose when you say "I". when you think Y4000 is a reasonable prize for a nice melon.

when you stand in front of a taxi and wait till the driver will open the door. when you cut the air with your hand (like a sword) when you want to cross a group of people. say sumimasen whenever you want to apologize for things that might happen or maybe not. when you wish you have a fan in summer to cool yourself on the street. when you look for people in front of a train station who distribute paper handkerchiefs.

when you miss the phone ads in the phoneboxes (do I?). when you prefer walking in geta while your wife calls the psychotherapeutic (well actually she didn't, but warned me so). when you start loving natto and uni. when you make a bow after getting the money from the cash mashine. when you buy beer by can labels (well I did it, but just to collect the stuff). when you leave the warm water in the bath tub for your kids.

when you buy local sweets/food to bring them home as omiyage, even your weekend trip was just 100 miles from home. when you start to believe that nori makes the hair stronger. when you think eating with otemoto is faster than with fork and knife (and actually you are faster with it). when you buy gifts for co-workers whenever you leave town, even if it's just for a few hours. when you end your statements with random vagueness.

when you hide from the NHK man routinely. when your rice maker is always on. when you take 8 breaks a day at work, and shuffle the papers on your desk at least twice a hour. when you take your shoes off...in the dressing room of a clothing store. when you read English words and start reading with Japanese pronunciations (e.g., DATE becomes da-te).

when you don't bat an eye when you see a salary man on the train looking at a magazine with nudity. when you find yourself nodding your head back to the newscaster at the beginning and end of a newscast. when you actually dream in Japanese. when you return to your home country and drink soup directly from the bowl when you think no one is looking as it's so much easier. when you think US$7 is not bad for a cup of coffee and a sliver of cake or pie. when you can't wait for the next 15 min episode of the NHK morning drama.

when you can actually make fried rice, Omu rice, and a complete Tonkatsu dinner. when you select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off. when you can name all the members of SMAP. when you answer "hai!" even when speaking English to non-Japanese friends. when you can fall asleep on the train and wake up at your stop. when you don't mind peeing in a public restroom with the cleaning lady standing next to you.

when you don't even need a restroom to pee in public. when someone says "breakfast" you think of fish, soup and pickles. when you think they mean your neighborhood whenever you hear U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name." when you believe no party is complete without a trip to the karaoke. when someone says "mansion" you picture a two-bedroom flat in a 400-unit apartment building. when you mutter "yoshi!" when lifting heavy objects or reaching the top of the stairs. when you make a loud "haaah" after each sip of hot tea.

when you notice improvement in your Nihongo when you start ordering "hotto doggu" instead of "atsui inu"! when you can convert katakana back to English without having to first sound it out ten times slowly. when you can't even have a family picnic without an opening and closing ceremony. when you wonder whether you should take the bus or a taxi instead of having to walk one kilometre. when you think it's ok to play the march of the British Grenadiers in TV commercials.

when after a day in the metro you hear in you head "Tokyo metro wo go-ryo itadakimashite arigatou gozaimasu. kono densha wa...yuki desu". when you start wondering if the policeman in front of you will check you bicycle registration just because you are a "gaijin". when you are tired of being asked if your country has four seasons, if yo can eat sushi and natoo, eat chopsticks and sleep on a futon, although you have been here for years.

when you go back to your home country and are surprised to see so many "gaijin". when you explain the difference between a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple to your Japanese friends. when you wonder what famous "tarento" or "actror/actress" your Japanese friends look more like. when you ask other foreigners what kanji they chose for their hanko. when you have changed you keitai's ringtone 10 times this week and wonder what which tune you should download next.

when you think you should call the electrician to change a lightbulb, as your forgot how to do. when you can't stop saying "samui, samui" to yourself when it's a bit cold, and "atsui, atsui" when it's slightly too hot. when you wonder how many women will offer you chocolates on Valentine's Day (or to how many people to give some, if you are a woman). when you start saying "eeeh" and "oooh" in front of the TV, just to do like everybody. when you ask your Italian friends if they have pasta in Italy.

when you are persuaded that Christmas is a ancient Japanese tradition, and Jesus was in fact Japanese. when you think that "minus image" is proper English (as in "these clothes really give him minus image"). when you wonder why all those gaijin take "aspirin" and not "bafarin" for headaches. when you think that that taking 5 kinds of kanpou (Chinese herbal medicine) all year round is necessary to keep you healthy.

when you check which dog is popular at the moment before buying one. when you look forward to winter in your Japanese house so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom and bathroom. when you realise you need feet massage and hot baths in winter because it's colder inside your house than outside. when you are worried because the cherry blossoms are late. when you watch Chinese or Korean movies relying on the Japanese subtitles.

so, have you been in Japan too long?

***re-post from Monkasho 2007 mailing list